| Click on the zodiac signs to check each forecast |
| The Horse |
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REIN AT TIMES
Executive summary: Sworda good enough |
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Ride month: JAN
Slide month: SEP
Horse-spicious dates: MAY 12 ~ JUN 05 ~ NOV 08 & 20
Unsaddled dates: JUN 10 & 22 ~ JUL 04 ~ SEP 14
Horse folk of note: Shinzo Abe, Jackie Chan Kong-sang, Angela Merkel, Mike Tyson
'Damocles' is the word, Dobbinses - as in 'sword
of'; as in 'hanging by a dread above your bonce'.
Cheap cheer in its being your year if Miss Fortune
is hellbent on having her play with you. Stall and
all, as Nietzsche sworda said in his more stable
days, proving your mettle improves your fettle. |
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| Twelve months in four easy pieces |
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Health |
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| Nagging discomfort? Only to be
expected this year. Put yourself
in the hands of an hoss-teopath
and, after a good shake, things
should saddle down. The mind
is an amazing thing. Ours tends
to wander a bit though. Sorry? |
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Wealth |
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| Bit of a Boy Scout of a year: Be
prepped and you'll dyb dyb do
your best. [No better no-sweat
way to swot up than CLSA's trove
of research of course.] Extra care
advised in March and June. Try to
rein in your foot-in-mouth issue. |
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Love |
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| Who can't wait to get in harness?
Singles may well find themselves
one of a bridle party ere the year
be done. A quick halter at the
altar to get hitched, then saddle
down to repent at leisure while
you wait for the seven-year itch. |
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Career |
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| You're a Nag, not a scapegoat.
One can become the other in
the maniacal blink of the boss's
eye. Why add to your whoa?
Best keep your head down, chin
up, nose clean, trap shut and all
those 'great ideas' to yourself. |
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| Charting your Horse course |
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| The Sheep |
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OATSTANDING
Executive summary: Bleatin' ewe-tiful |
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Ride month: OCT
Slide month: AUG
Horse-spicious dates: SEP 08 & 20 ~ OCT 02 & 26
Unsaddled dates: MAR 19 ~ JUL 17 & 29 ~ NOV 14
Sheep folk of note: Chow Yun-fat, Amy Lee, Li Keqiang, Zhang Ziyi
'Crease' is the word, Sheepeeps - as in 'ink crease';
as in 'with luck like this, your bill fold could inkcrease untold-fold'. You ewes are wool overdue
a slamb-dunk of a year, so it's abaaht time your
sheep came in and fengs swung your shui. 'Cause
you can be shor'next year will be sheared. |
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| Twelve months in four easy pieces |
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Health |
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| Make like a lamb in springtime?
Letting your inner kid out to play
not only can do you a power of
good, with any luck you'll tucker
out the little tacker so combleatly
you won't hear Bo Peep from the
woolly jumper till it's schnitzel. |
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Wealth |
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| Make like a lamb in springtime?
Again? We don't mean letting
your inner kid out to gambol or
play the market so much as to
jump for joie de vivre because, if
all goes to plan, Ewes should be
coining it like Croesus this year. |
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Love |
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| Looks like you'll be making like
you're making lambs for springtime
all year long - and mutton
wrong there. But not all sums are
equal. If one be forlorn but two
they be tender, be three one too
many? Or does it depend, eh? |
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Career |
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| Make like a lamb in springtime?
Even at work? Ewe shor'now? So
what if they think you're baa-rmy?
Wooldn't be too wrong! Anyway,
telling the old sheep of fools to
go crewe itself might bring on a
wool-comb change. Bale aweigh! |
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| Charting your Horse course |
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| The Monkey |
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BIT OF ALL RIDE
Executive summary: Roll out a barrelful |
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Ride month: FEB
Slide month: AUG
Horse-spicious dates: MAR 11 ~ APR 04 ~ SEP 19 ~ OCT 01
Unsaddled dates: APR 01 ~ AUG 11 & 23 ~ SEP 04
Monkey folk of note: Julius Caesar, Lucy Liu, Kylie Minogue, Yao Ming
'Trees' is the word, Banana Smoothies - as in
'what good things and wise Monks come in'; as
in, too, 'T'reasons to be Qi-full, Part Tree' - an Ode
to Joy that wouldn't be out of place in itself. Not
that you Barrel-fillers ought to be caught short of
cause for applause this year. Swing that thing! |
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| Twelve months in four easy pieces |
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Health |
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| It's all vine, as Tarzan said in the
patent application for his treetop
elevator. It's the other folk what
worry us. Take extra care if you
cross a road. (They may look all
smooth on the surface, but they
can be very rough if crossed.) |
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Wealth |
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| Periodic squalls of windfalls, you
prime-rate Primates! On top of a
good steady earn. Outgoings are
what need watching. Deceptions
are the danger: well-dressed con
artists with winning smiles; and
vanity-related uber-expenditure. |
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Love |
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| We can't help but feel, O'tangs,
that your rep as the swingers of
the zodiac pack lies more in the
telling than any tail. There'd be
more swing in a tight chip shot
than in your stars for this year,
Monks (and you may as well be). |
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Career |
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| They say it doesn't matter if the
decision is right or wrong; the
key is to make it and stick to it.
We've decided "they" appear to
have an elbow-ass differentiation
dilemma. Where were we? Ah,
Monkeys . . . career looks vine. |
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| Charting your Horse course |
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| The Rooster |
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BIT OF ALL RIDE
Executive summary: Clucky ducks |
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Ride month: JUL
Slide month: SEP
Horse-spicious dates: FEB 14 & 26 ~ JUL 08 ~ AUG 13
Unsaddled dates: AUG 12 & 24 ~ SEP 17 ~ OCT 11
Rooster folk of note: Fan Bingbing, Elton John, Groucho Marx, Mencius
As Family Guy's Peter Griffin would put it (ad nauseam): 'B-b-b-bird, bird, bird,
b-bird's the word . . . ' You Roosters surely must be getting sick of this chicken run of
spanking good luck you've been having? Wouldn't like to toss a few crumbs our way?
Oh well, never mind. Now, what is it they make feather-dusters from . . . |
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| Twelve months in four easy pieces |
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Health |
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| Meditation is not a competitive
sport, Worm-cadgers. Can you
think of anything dharma than a
race to be karma? Just hensane!
Can't focus on being present?
At least try for pleasant. Health
risks? Flu and fear between. |
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Wealth |
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| Here's a new year's resolution:
No more crowing until crows
do their fair share of roostering?
Oh, crow if you must. Your luck
looks strong for both windfalls
and steady income, especially
in Spring. No loans to relatives! |
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Love |
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| Searching for a succinct word or
two to cover your outlook, we
kept coming back to 'colourful'.
An odd way to put it, but then
it's an unusual pattern coming
together. Could be splendid; or
could be . . . yes, colourful works. |
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Career |
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| Some good developments on
the work front, Eggheads, and
potentially quite rewarding. A
few hurdles, but don't let them
get you down. Think outside the
boks and you may soon have
the makings of a nice nest egg. |
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| Charting your Horse course |
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| The Dog |
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OATSTANDING
Executive summary: Pawsome! |
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Ride month: JUN
Slide month: NOV
Horse-spicious dates: JUN 13 & 25 ~ JUL 07, 19 & 31
Unsaddled dates: JUN 02 ~ OCT 12 & 24 ~ NOV 05
Dog folk of note: Confucius, Marcel Proust, Janet Yellen, Zhou Enlai
'Fleas' is the word, Wow-wows - as in 'none on
you' (ditto flies, flos and flums); as in '¡fleas-idades,
amigos!' Howl lucky does it get? If this is the
dog's life idiom-mutterers bemoan, put us down
for a litter or two. Hounds are in pounds, eh?
Grr! How many barks a pup? OK, nine. Woof! |
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| Twelve months in four easy pieces |
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Health |
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| Bark! Hou po, to be precise - aka
magnolia bark. Jolly good stuff
(apart from the heave-ho taste)
for those who've been helping
themselves lots. Much as we
can't get enough of you, Pups,
there is enough of you already. |
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Wealth |
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| You've got a cold, wet nose for
scratch and instink is definitely
the way to play it this year. Plus
signs are strong that you'll meet
someone in 2H who may be very
helpful in terms of giving your
investment strategy some bite. |
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Love |
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| It's a dog-eat-dog world, they say,
which some might take - in a
tongue-in-cheek way - to mean
it ain't cheatin' at the end of the
day, and so let slip the dogs of
phwoar to stray and play hooray.
Oh, you ditty, flitty dawgs! |
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Career |
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| Sometimes less is more, for sure
- one of life's great lessens, more
or less - but never on payday. In
that spirit, we once offered to do
a lot less for much more, but it
turned out that apparently neither
was possible. The thanks you get. |
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| Charting your Horse course |
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| The Pig |
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REIN AT TIMES
Executive summary: Ain't life grunt? |
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Ride month: AUG
Slide month: OCT
Horse-spicious dates: JUN 12 & 24 ~ DEC 21 ~ JAN 02
Unsaddled dates: MAR 11 ~ NOV 6, 18 & 30
Pig folk of note: Chiang Kai-shek, Alfred Hitchcock, Lao She, Lee Kuan Yew
'Grease' is the word, mighty Fliers - as in 'degrees
of ease with shades of grey; as in 'max banco for
your baksheesh'. All sly-winking folk agrees there
was s'nout much piggy-wriggle room under the
Snake, sow you'd nod be out of order going fullboar
at the trough for a bit. Cease the decrease! |
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| Twelve months in four easy pieces |
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Health |
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| Some say pignorants is bliss, but
not if they go on and on about it
- then it's just squeally annoying.
With the usual exortations and
caveats, you Porkers are looking
good, despite a tendency to put
yourselves midships of mishaps. |
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Wealth |
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| Well, well, well . . . add a 'very'
in front of each and that's a fair
summation of your porkspects,
Piggybanks. Two warning shots:
Watch your outgoings, given the
omens of loss; and make a pink
p-oink of socialising your gains. |
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Love |
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| Slim piggins? Hardly. You Pigs
are likely to be busier than a bee
with hives this year. Speaking of
which, it has oft been observed
that the brasher the action, the
rasher the reaction. Pig in a poke
is no joke. Caveat emphwoar. |
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Career |
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| Work can be a boar, for sure, but
don't let the turkeys sty-fle your
creativity and grunt plans. From
the looks, there may be some
hamazing opportunities just arind
the corner for those with clear
ideas. Pig and choose - woohoo! |
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| Charting your Horse course |
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| The Rat |
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S'NORT SO HOT
Executive summary: Stiff cheddar |
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Ride month: NOV
Slide month: MAY
Horse-spicious dates: NOV 26 ~ JAN 10 & 21
Unsaddled dates: SEP 20 ~ DEC 01 & 25 ~ JAN 30
Rat folk of note: Jimmy Lai Chee-Ying, Katy Perry, Yip Wing-sie, Zinedine Zidane
'Cheese' is the word, Meeserables - as in 'how
much can a camembert?'; as in 'moved bleu-ved
- stiff cheddar'. How s'queakly and compl- eek-ly
it can change, eh? Vicissitudes, dudes - mousen't
take it poisonally. The reassuring reality is that
the cosmos doesn't give a rat's stars. Better now? |
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| Twelve months in four easy pieces |
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Health |
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| Few words can induce panic as
surely as 'Remain calm', so we'll
simply suggest being defensive
(but not offensively): exercise; a
babyfood-bland diet; and deep
Freudian sleep. Coddle yourself
like the rare treasure you are. |
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Wealth |
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| It may not be the Midas Touch,
but the Mouse's Scratch ain't no
slouch. The nose knows what
grows, so give it its head. More
than ever, this is a year to be
open to innovation. Don't get
trapped in the interest-rate race. |
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Love |
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| Money can't buy you love, but
some of the fakes nowadays are
so close it doesn't matter. Stars
hint strongly at a new sense of
adventure (or was it nuisance of
gender?), which we hope doesn't
put you in an awkward position. |
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Career |
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| Someone once predicted for us
an erratic career (bit of a blow to
realise they hadn't said "erotic").
But they all are in many ways;
only hindsight infuses direction.
So never mind the bumps - likely
to look clever in the rearview. |
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| Charting your Horse course |
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| The Cow |
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S'NORT SO HOT
Executive summary: Cud be better |
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Ride month: JAN
Slide month: MAY
Horse-spicious dates: FEB 05 & 26 ~ APR 11 ~ OCT 20
Unsaddled dates: JUN 29 ~ JAN 07, 19 & 31
Cow folk of note: George Clooney, Barack Obama, Rio de Janeiro, Cristiano Ronaldo
'Mies' is the word, Moo-meisters - as in 'van der
Rohe'; as in 'less is more'. Cud be, but unlikely to
cut it at the cash register, eh? Why then hoof we
pasture this well-worn aphorism of Divan Man?
We only heifer meant to gently steer your rheumy
nature to the view that the grass is calf fuel. |
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| Twelve months in four easy pieces |
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Health |
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| How 'ow', down Cows? They're
the two to watch for this year:
dull aches and an even duller
mooodimess. Yet both are easily
KO-ed, Kows. Give 'em the old
1, 2, 3: top chews; long snooze;
and a run around the paddock. |
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Wealth |
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| Moola looks more hard scrabble
than rich harvest - a moo-sance,
but hornestly the smartest way
to the greens may be through
defence . . . or the gate. Don't
count on windfalls, though they
are on the cuds. Calf your luck! |
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Love |
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| Love herds - and yet it lifts us up.
It's a dilemma on whose horns
so many of us are periodically
impaled. If quantity rather than
quality is your thing, you may
well be in for an empurpled
patch. Not really 'love', is it? |
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Career |
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| Open heart is the way to go -
not the surgery (although not to
be ruled out); the magnanimity.
Your outlook here is clear, but
pygmies abound. Peers them off
with politeness; crush 'em with
kindness; they will kowtow yet! |
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| Charting your Horse course |
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| The Tiger |
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OATSTANDING
Executive summary: Stripe for the plucking |
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Ride month: JAN
Slide month: DEC
Horse-spicious dates: APR 25 ~ JUN 12 & 24 ~ JAN 02
Unsaddled dates: FEB 06 & 18 ~ MAR 02 ~ APR 19
Tiger folk of note: Richard Branson, Karl Marx, Marco Polo, Zhang Yimou
'Bees' is the word, Trope Cats - as in 'bee's knees,
ant's pants and cat's pyjamas'; as in 'you lucky
beasts'. From here, your year looks to be within
a wet whisker of paws-itively purrfect, Pussies. Enjoie de vivre till you heave. After all, a little stress
is all it takes to turn mmmeow into meowww! |
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| Twelve months in four easy pieces |
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Health |
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| Tiger, Tiger, burning bright - but
not the candle and definitely not
both ends. Most cats are masters
of chill; some are timebombs atic
with tension. You? Sort it soonest.
Money in the bank if you do;
there's no chapter 11 for health. |
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Wealth |
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| 'Leaps and bounds' pretty much
covers it - heading north. Still,
here are thoughts for paws: All
manner of charlatan seems to
have hitched a ride on the Horse.
And there's much to be said for
fundamentals in any weather. |
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Love |
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| If you're on the prowl for 'the
One', June looks your best bet,
though we wouldn't put much on
it. Never quite 'got' the singlesminded
blind pursuit. After all,
go gently or rage, you leave in
the same company as you came. |
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Career |
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| You're on such a roll and are so
purrsuasive anyway, you could
probably turn up to work every
day cata-vodka-and-tonic and
still take home the lion's share
of the toss-us-a-bonus pool. Far
better to earn your stripes, eh? |
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| Charting your Horse course |
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| The Rabbit |
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S'NORT SO HOT
Executive summary: Bounder get better |
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Ride month: MAY
Slide month: JUL
Horse-spicious dates: FEB 20 ~ AUG 07 & 31 ~ FEB 03
Unsaddled dates: FEB 19 ~ MAR 15 & 27 ~ AUG 06
Rabbit folk of note: David Beckham, Albert Einstein, Jet Li, Orson Welles
'Caprice' is the word, Not-so-hot Cross Bunnies
- as in 'Capri's nice, but Nice is no Capri'; as
in 'the cat burglar was sent to ca'prison for the
purr of her unnatural nine lives'. Caprice lies at
the cold black heart of any fortune forecasting.
Which may explain why they're always so vagary. |
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| Twelve months in four easy pieces |
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Health |
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| Up for rabbit of a challenge? Hop
so because the supply is on the
high side. You're looking good
still, Buns, inside and out. Only
two areas that may be in doubt:
get a reading on your bleeding;
and avoid any hoperations. |
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Wealth |
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| Buck or doe, you'd warrent Rabs
as certs for coining it. And you
have the ol' bounce-back knack.
It's the outgoings that may catch
you out. Waste not on whatnots.
Bounce of prevention is worth a
pound or more. Or so we hare. |
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Love |
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| Three can be a crowd and some
folk certainly should never be
obscene in a throng, but three's
not be sneezed at. However, we
are required to officially advise
that ambles in the brambles along
those lines are out of bounders. |
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Career |
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| Don't laugh, but have you ever
thought of giving 'humble' a go?
Didn't think so. We mention it
only because it's quite likely your
unwarranted arrogance will undo
all your hard work. So, major
stumble or small slice of humble? |
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| Charting your Horse course |
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| The Dragon |
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REIN AT TIMES
Executive summary: It's soar right |
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Ride month: MAR
Slide month: FEB
Horse-spicious dates: DEC 16 & 28 ~ JAN 21 ~ FEB 02
Unsaddled dates: APR 09 ~ MAY 03 ~ OCT 18
Dragon folk of note: Deng Xiaoping, Sigmund Freud, Bruce Lee, Jack Ma Yun
'Wheeze' is the word, Smoke Folk - as in 'dumb
of the crowd'; as in 'dharma of Guatama'. It can
naught be bought, but perhaps can be taught;
supply seems ever short, yet is it really so keenly
sought? We have our dorrrts. Wisdom, eh? Seems
it isn't a bad year for Dragons to bag a bit of it. |
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| Twelve months in four easy pieces |
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Health |
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| You know how little kids can be
sometimes? Whiny, annoying . . .
that's how your health looks for
this year. Which really is no big
drama. Just treat it the same way
you would . . . er, no, that would
require ambulance and police. |
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Wealth |
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| We're not saying it will be good;
but we're certainly not saying the
opposite. Indeed, in the unlikely
event that we're saying anything
it's probably just that your wealth
looks uneven. We'd tell you how
to fix it, but we've run out of . . . |
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Love |
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| The moon in June is your wingman,
Single Scale-trailers. So salt
away as many Zzz as you can in
May, eh? No matter what your
current status, your happiness is
in your hands. Serves you right
if you 'forgot' to wash them. |
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Career |
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| If it's scaleable, it's saleable. Not
sure if that helps at all. If your
job involves travel or trade, well
half your luck. Personally, we're
all ears for anything that entails
navel and paid - as in being the
latter lots for gazing at our former. |
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| Charting your Horse course |
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| The Snake |
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BIT OF ALL RIDE
Executive summary: How d'ya like them apples? |
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Ride month: AUG
Slide month: MAY
Horse-spicious dates: JUN 06, 18 & 30 ~ DEC 15 & 27
Unsaddled dates: MAY 04 & 16 ~ JUN 21 ~ JAN 11
Snake folk of note: Charles Darwin, Gong Li, Mao Zedong, Pablo Picasso, Qu Yuan
'Knees' is the word, Charm Chums - as in 'what
sssay we ssslip out for a knees-up'; as in 'ahh . . .
well, let'sss jussst sssync sssome hisss and get
leglesss'. Breath easy, Sibilants, there's lots to cheer
this year. After all, you've not only got rid of His
Vexcellency, you're actually due a decent trot. |
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| Twelve months in four easy pieces |
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Health |
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| At times, we swear, you're likely
to be in such rude good health
it verges on insulting. You're also
susceptible to slipping into selfpitying
periods replete with risible
aches and pains. Luckily, laughter
really is the best medicine. |
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Wealth |
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| Your money sphere looks rather
smashing, Sliders - even more so
in terms of return on your outlay.
Earnings look steady; windfalls
are plenty. Two-pronged strategy
will uncover caches of cliches:
low-hanging fruit's no less juicy. |
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Love |
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| A little less 'eff it' and a little more
effort can make all the difference.
Which is to say little more than
what must matter most is mind.
Or as Bill the buddhist bard put
it: 'There is nothing either good
or bad but thinking makes it so.' |
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Career |
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| Getting their just desserts leaves
many feeling they've been given
short shrift. Luckily, life isn't fair,
so such even-handedness is rare.
No need to excel to do well this
year - simply make no mistakes,
Snakes, and up the adder you go. |
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| Charting your Horse course |
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